Cul-de-sac

Why do I get lost so often? Is it a lack of seeking? Or precisly because I keep on doing so?

I have been walking in circles for so many years I fear I'll never be able to draw a new line ever again, nor to follow it.

I've lost track of happy memories, sunny, worry free days (not that there have actually been many of these during the last decade). None lasted. Can't help but ressent the sillyness, stupidness of this major waste. Waste of time, courage, patience, intelligence, beauty, youth. Waste waste waste! Anger fills me. And so goes the circle.

Some say I'm harsh. Some say they don't recognize me. That I have to look forward. 

How do I do that ? 

How ?

How ?

The garden is empty. A dead land. Next to a dead end.